I heard about this form of culinary correction on the radio. I needed to know more! Apparently, size doesn’t matter but rhythm does?
A magic fork. The latest scoop, they say, to fight the flab
Getting thinner whilst eating dinner? I must give it a stab
Hoovering grub from off your plate
Will make the implement vibrate
A flash of light will tell you straight
Stop eating like a pig.
Sitting down to nosh a meal will never be the same
If every day we have to play this can I can’t I game
I can see the headlines blaze
‘Change your gobbling wobbly ways’
‘Make dinner parties last for days!’
Slow down and be a twig
Clever things, these tell-tale tines. They’ve really made me think:
How about a ‘gotcha’ glass that screams each time you drink?
To keep you sober all your life
You’d get abuse from this device
Make a nice change from the wife!
No booze? No fun? No fear!
And how about if they adapt this tool for bed romance
A lover’s gauge for every age, hidden in your pants
When to turn the lights down low
When to stop and when to go
Not too fast and not too slow
Now, there’s a great idea!
By C T Sullivan